I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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