You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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