Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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