I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
