yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
