In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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