Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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