is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
