Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
