the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My pussy is not your playground.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
