I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
