Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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