It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
