What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
