i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
