you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
