Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
