The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
