Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
