I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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