Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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