we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
