More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
