she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
