I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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