I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
