I cockslap morals
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
