This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
