apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
