my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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