Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He has the fingertips of a God
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