She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
