hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
