I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
