...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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