I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
