If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
