I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
