He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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