i just wanna soil my oats bro
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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