Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
