Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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