Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
