Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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