Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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