If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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