I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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