After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you had me at cake vodka
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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