I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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