$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
