i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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