i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
