Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
