I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
