i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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