yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
