Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
