I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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