Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
