Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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