Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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