you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
