So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
