we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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