i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
