cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
