id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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